Frolic Log Week 40: B-Sides
Comfort and hygiene are relative
Welcome back to B-Sides, a monthly series in which we deep-dive into a few disastrous Airbnb reviews to see what went wrong and who started it.
PSA: No Airbnbs were slandered in the making of this post. Out of respect for owners’ privacy and their revenue-generating efforts, B-Sides is purely a celebration of the creative rage that fuels Airbnb guests and hosts worldwide.
This week, I embarked on a scavenger hunt through the deep, dark crevices of Airbnb with the original mastermind behind B-Sides, my sister. The student quickly became the master, and she was soon rejoicing as she watched the world of joyously planned vacations go up in flames.
As we laughed and cried, we often found ourselves empathizing with the hosts. These people have opened their homes to a potential flood of idiots from every corner of the globe - travelers who are ignorant, lazy, and easily rattled by the slightest inconvenience. Isn’t the whole point of travel to step outside your comfort zone and let yourself be changed? You didn’t go on vacation to enjoy total silence. And that creeping paranoia about getting murdered? That’s all in your head.
Our first stop on the world tour of nightmare accommodations and delinquent guests features a fan favorite: unbearable noise, served with a side of sliding doors and topped off with a dessert of dancing in the dark:
The windows are very thin and do not seal, allowing all the noise from outside to be heard all night long. You will not sleep on a weekend at this place. The downstairs has this odd vestibule room that people come and go from. Each time the doors open and close, it is very loud, which prevents anyone from sleeping. The bathroom has this strange motion light that when you are in the shower, it turns off, leaving you in darkness to fumble around, trying to get it to turn back on so you can take a proper shower.
Surprisingly, the noise was not the biggest drawback for the next guests who came to stay:
Access to the apartment is from a landing located on the 1st floor of the building serving two units. The one above is only accessible after the climb of an extremely steep staircase. People with limited mobility or with imposing suitcases should abstain. Then VERY bad surprise, the second bedroom actually has two single beds and a double bed. Unfortunately, and this is not specified anywhere (there are no photos of this room on the listing), the double bed is located on the mezzanine and is only accessible by a fixed and vertical ladder of 2.35 m. If you have never been a firefighter or done a circus school, I recommend you pass... As we were 5 to travel, we had planned this bed for my father who is 81 years old, needless to say, it was out of the question of having him sleep there... Even my son, however, a 16-year-old, did not want to try climbing... We were therefore forced to sleep a family member on the terrace. The host contacted on this subject responded, without laughing, that this bed was' easily 'accessible by a' staircase '(we do not have the same definition of what a staircase is visibly) by ‘any inhabitant of the earth'. This clearly referes to 'inhabitants of the earth' with a certain acrobatic capacity...
Ah, yes, the world-renowned, show-stopping acrobatic spectacle of stair climbing! A class act.
Next up, we have a questionable accommodation in a shady neighborhood. A couple of guests offer up their points of view:
Neighborhood was full of offenders. When we arrived we wanted to take the elevator which was impossible. One didn't open and the second one didn't work.
Then, on the accommodation it is specified that the building is under renovation but there is a difference between renovation and a disgusting building!!!
We had to book a hotel at 10pm and the host didn't want to refund me when we didn't go to the listing since it was impossible!! The stairs are very poorly indicated, we found a door that made us climb two stairs to a hallway that unlocked but did not let us reach the accomodation which is on the 4th floor.
TO BE AVOIDED.
Imagine looking for an accommodation that did not want to be found.
Meanwhile, all types of red flags and fire alarms go off when the next guests eventually manage to find the elusive accommodation up the stairs and through the hallway that unlocks:
I can't say anything about the apartment because even though we rented it for 4 days, we never stayed because it was unsafe. The apartment building had the smell of marijuana. The surroundings and the street were not safe at all. We came across a lot of drunk people. We talked to someone who lives in the apartment every day and they said there was an incident and it is not a safe environment and it was not safe for us to leave our car on the street. Then we contacted the host and told him that we were not safe and asked for a refund, but he did not accept.
There was no danger, no incident, no direct threat. Just a vague, ever-present sense of doom.
Next up, we journey to a humble hut perched on a French mountainside, catering to travelers in search of an active and simple lifestyle. But the real attraction isn’t the view or the hiking trails; it’s David, the charming host, the real deal, who quickly steals the spotlight.
Idyllic setting. A friendly and even caring welcome. Unfortunately, the accommodation is dirty and has no amenities.
David does not agree:
Jean and his wife arrived very tired they had been walking for several months, despite my requests without notifying them of their arrival so I had not finished cleaning, from the beginning to the end no communication. They did not read the details of my listing… I gave them sheets despite asking people to bring their own. They were not polite, and Jean expressed his dissatisfaction with my vision and my way of life... Very rare are the people who come to my home without respect, they left their garbage cans, complaining in their reviews that the accommodation was not clean but they left leaving it much dirtier, no respect...they did not wash up, in short what to say to people who are welcomed with the heart and who gives you a bad review and notes that come down to my ability to host... I am hurt, me who was ready to hear all about their trip.
You may be hurt, David, but I AM HEARTBROKEN.
David’s next guest was optimistic at the start, but the mountains at night are not for the faint of heart:
We arrived at night. We could see the beautiful night sky with a lot of stars. But the dishes were dirty, there were no place to wash them and we put things infront of the door, because of the fear to get murdered
David’s side of the story:
These guys arrived during the night. Then in the morning I was waiting for them, and at one pm I realised they had left like robbers. They broke some stuff. The dishes were clean before they arrived and some of the dishes disapeared. Not honest people...
Why are people doing this to you, David!?
David doesn’t give up, and neither does his next guest:
The accommodation is in a very nice remote nature setting, the owner is nice and helping guy, the room is not very clean, there is no shower but you can take bath in a nice river few km apart. Bring your own bedclothes and towels.
You will have to walk 15 min up the hill from the road to get there.
David has had it with these ungrateful guests. And so have I.
Thanks for your "relative" good feedback. Actually there is a shower but not with the western standard but this is a place who try to be in harmony with the "saving earth" standards it's not a hôtel I enjoyed to welcome you in my paradise
They think they can handle the wilderness until they find out there’s no organically certified carrots or dermatologist-tested body wash. Then they’re out of there faster than you can say montagne.
And the last and most fantastic review of David’s gite (I discovered this means a furnished holiday house in France, typically in a rural district) is:
David is an unclassifiable character like his gite.
They are exceptional.
If you enjoy nature at all costs it is a place to discover.
Comfort and hygiene are very relative.
Extreme experience.
To live.
That’s what we want in the end - to live!!!
Mark my words: one day, when we’re all tucked away in our sick palaces of computer-generated bliss, living out our twisted AI fantasies, we’ll long for the days when David and his gîte offered us nothing more than a cold bath in a mountain stream.